Monastery at Large

From the Notebook

  • Peep Show

    I keep peeping in your window, but I only see ghosts.

    I guess the demons of today have forgotten you.

    There’s money to be made and fresh people to fuck over,

    And you must be ill-suited for those pursuits.

    You’re a pretty old shell, decorated and vacant—

    That describes most of us at the moment.

    Maybe one day we’ll think about you again:

    Give your interior some honor and purpose.

    We’d have to do the same for ourselves, though,

    And I’m not holding my breath on that front.

    In the meantime, thanks for the somber show.

  • Department of Housing and Urban Development (1968) – Washington, D.C.

    Marcel Breuer with Herbert Beckhard. Department of Housing and Urban Development (1968). Washington, D.C.
    Marcel Breuer with Herbert Beckhard. Department of Housing and Urban Development (1968). Washington, D.C.1 2
    Looking at the Department of Housing and Urban Development from the northeast
    Looking at the Department of Housing and Urban Development from the northeast
    Looking at the Department of Housing and Urban Development from the southeast
    Looking at the Department of Housing and Urban Development from the southeast
    Entrance of the Department of Housing and Urban Development
    Entrance of the Department of Housing and Urban Development
    Granite cladding on the northeast corner of the Department of Housing and Urban Development
    Granite cladding on the northeast corner of the Department of Housing and Urban Development
    Pre-cast concrete and granite on the southeast corner of the Department of Housing and Urban Development
    Pre-cast concrete and granite on the southeast corner of the Department of Housing and Urban Development
    Entrance arcade of the Department of Housing and Urban Development
    Entrance arcade of the Department of Housing and Urban Development
    Windows on the Department of Housing and Urban Development
    Windows on the Department of Housing and Urban Development
    Looking at the Department of Housing and Urban Development from the northeast
    Looking at the Department of Housing and Urban Development from the northeast
    Entrance sign of the Department of Housing and Urban Development
    Entrance sign of the Department of Housing and Urban Development
    Columns on the entrance arcade of the Department of Housing and Urban Development
    Columns on the entrance arcade of the Department of Housing and Urban Development
    Looking toward the northwest corner of the Department of Housing and Urban Development
    Looking toward the northwest corner of the Department of Housing and Urban Development
    Granite cladding on the northeast corner of the Department of Housing and Urban Development
    Granite cladding on the northeast corner of the Department of Housing and Urban Development
    Windows on the northeast corner of the Department of Housing and Urban Development
    Windows on the northeast corner of the Department of Housing and Urban Development

    References

    1. McCarter, Robert. Breuer. New York: Phaidon Press Limited (2016). ↩︎
    2. Nolan, Martin F. “LBJ Speeds Slum Housing”. The Boston Globe, September 10, 1968, p. 2. ↩︎

  • My Chiron

    It fills my deepest wound:

    That well of love and compassion that stirs for those who will never return it.

    I’ll try not to bore you with psycho-babble, but it naturally formed in my youth, as the deepest wounds do for all of us.

    I can vividly remember being a child who pined for the love and closeness of an absent father—

    Not physically absent, at first, but certainly emotionally.

    As a little boy, I wanted so badly to hold his hand and be skin-to-skin with him, but he was cold and distant, apparently uninterested in me.

    It wasn’t a surprise when he later confessed that his life would have been better if I hadn’t been born—tough words to hear from a parent, but at least he was honest.

    He was apparently shocked when I cut off communication with him years ago and never looked back. Such arrogance.

    My mother cloaks herself in a veneer of warmth and compassion as a means of survival, but she’s just as disinterested in anyone else unless they indulge her infantile sense of helplessness.

    She smothers her enablers to keep them close, but invariably drives them away with her petulant demands and domineering behavior that become more apparent over time.

    In many ways, I find her selfishness even more pernicious than my father’s—his was blatant, but hers deceived me for years as genuine concern and nurturing.

    We’re all amateur psychologists these days, so you can probably guess that I’ve wasted most of my life pursuing one-sided, dead-end relationships with people who don’t give a fuck about me—or are incapable of doing so—repeating the old pattern established between myself and my parents.

    From the perspective of middle age, I have to acknowledge that none of my so-called friendships in adulthood have been reciprocal or satisfying.

    There was the cagey online buddy who only wanted to talk in chat and threatened suicide once to get my attention. There was the raging narcissist who emotionally tormented me and then nearly killed me—I moved over 200 miles to get away from him. There was the smooth-talking coworker who kept me around to help him with his projects, but dropped me like a hot rock when his position changed.

    Then there are all the people I’ve desperately wanted as my friends and companions, but it was abundantly clear they just weren’t interested. In my wild imagination, I could picture us embraced in some epic, earth-shaking partnership, but none of them shared that vision. Most of them probably never gave my existence a half-second of thought.

    Always haunting my relationships are the questions of my sexuality. Am I gay? Am I asexual? Who the fuck knows? Do I want a friend or a lover? I’ve never fully understood that myself, and while I’ve grown to accept the ambiguity, I’ve never found anyone else who could handle it.

    I used to think it was a weakness that I could fall head over heels for people who would never do the same for me. I used to be ashamed of it. I’m not anymore.

    I may have been the boy who idealized and defended their parent as a way to cope with the absence of affection, but as a man, it’s given me the ability to not just passionately love people, but to deeply cherish them with a child-like simplicity and purity—even when they don’t deserve it.

    Experience has given me the ability to recognize when I’m being lured into another unrequited relationship—the signs are all familiar to me now.

    I know when my baby brain wants to elevate a flawed mortal into a peerless daddy god with whom to form a perfect union, and I’ve become adept at ruthlessly scrutinizing a person’s life and character for misalignments with my own.

    What’s different about me now from even a few years ago is that I don’t dismiss the tender feelings of the little boy inside me.

    Rather, I gently take his hand, and we take a walk together. I listen to him intently as he talks excitedly about that special person who, in the moment, means the absolute world to him. I pick him up, hold him close, and kiss his forehead, thanking him for his sweetness, innocence, and kindness.

    Then I harness that essential eros for a moment of culmination and truth delivered expressly for that person—it may be a favor, a conversation, or just a passing remark.

    The form of the message is unimportant: what matters is that it was especially made for one with whom I have become so enamored, packed with such a concentrated force of love and grace that it cuts through their soul like a blade.

    When the message is delivered, it’s as if some spell has been broken inside of me, and with a sudden jolt, I realize, That’s it. You’re done. And I walk away, thanking God for that person whose life may be entwined with another’s—but it isn’t mine.

    It could be that I wasn’t built for genuine relationships. That’s a sobering reality I’ve come to terms with in the last few years.

    Maybe my purpose on this earth is to deliver a seed of love to those who are otherwise impenetrable to receive it, never seeing its effect, or even knowing if it has an effect at all.

    That could be my childish way of coping with the absence of affection in adulthood, but I do know that every transmission of grace deepens my soul’s capacity for love—for myself more than anyone else.

    .

  • Troup County Courthouse (1939) – LaGrange, Georgia

    W.J.J. Chase. Troup County Courthouse (1939). LaGrange, Georgia.
    W.J.J. Chase. Troup County Courthouse (1939). LaGrange, Georgia.1 2 3
    Facade of the Troup County Courthouse, LaGrange, Georgia
    Facade of the Troup County Courthouse, LaGrange, Georgia
    Inscription on the facade of the Troup County Courthouse, LaGrange, Georgia
    Inscription on the facade of the Troup County Courthouse, LaGrange, Georgia
    Clock and etched marble spandrel on the facade of the Troup County Courthouse, LaGrange, Georgia
    Clock and etched marble spandrel on the facade of the Troup County Courthouse, LaGrange, Georgia
    Looking at the southwest corner of the Troup County Courthouse, LaGrange, Georgia
    Looking at the southwest corner of the Troup County Courthouse, LaGrange, Georgia
    Etched marble on the facade of the Troup County Courthouse, LaGrange, Georgia
    Etched marble on the facade of the Troup County Courthouse, LaGrange, Georgia
    Etched marble spandrel on the Troup County Courthouse, LaGrange, Georgia
    Etched marble spandrel on the Troup County Courthouse, LaGrange, Georgia
    Windows and spandrel on the facade of the Troup County Courthouse, LaGrange, Georgia
    Windows and spandrel on the facade of the Troup County Courthouse, LaGrange, Georgia
    Inscription and etched marble ornamentation on the facade of the Troup County Courthouse, LaGrange, Georgia
    Inscription and etched marble ornamentation on the facade of the Troup County Courthouse, LaGrange, Georgia
    Globe light at the entrance of the Troup County Courthouse, LaGrange, Georgia
    Globe light at the entrance of the Troup County Courthouse, LaGrange, Georgia
    Pedestal at the entrance of the Troup County Courthouse, LaGrange, Georgia
    Pedestal at the entrance of the Troup County Courthouse, LaGrange, Georgia

    References

    1. “Troup County To Build Soon”. The Columbus Enquirer (Columbus, Georgia), April 20, 1938, p. 1. ↩︎
    2. “New Courthouse At LaGrange Completed”. The Columbus Enquirer (Columbus, Georgia), October 18, 1939, p. 2. ↩︎
    3. National Register of Historic Places Continuation Sheet: Troup County Courthouse, Annex, and Jail ↩︎

  • United States Post Office (1913) – New York

    McKim, Mead & White. United States Post Office (1913). New York.
    William M. Kendall of McKim, Mead & White. United States Post Office (1913). New York.

    The imposing United States Post Office in New York City was a very late work of McKim, Mead & White—so late that two of the firm’s namesake founders, Charles McKim and Stanford White, had been dead for several years when it was completed in 1913.

    By that point, McKim, Mead & White was a well-oiled machine that ran on an army of anonymous architects, but the project is now primarily credited to William M. Kendall.

    The gleaming white five-story structure occupies two blocks of prime real estate in Midtown Manhattan and was built to complement its original neighbor, Pennsylvania Station,1 also designed by McKim, Mead & White, and demolished in 1963.

    Location of the United States Post Office

    The firm’s output in later years was often unremarkable and derivative, but there’s something special about this building, which is chock-full of exquisite materials and elegant details that reveal thoughtful attention to design despite the project’s massive scale.

    United States Post Office, New York, circa 1913
    United States Post Office, New York, circa 1913

    Built for a hefty $6 million, the original structure included over 400,000 square feet of floor space and was composed of 165,000 cubic feet of Massachusetts granite, 18,000 tons of steel, 7 million bricks, and 200,000 square feet of glass.2

    Most of that glass was used in the giant skylight over the building’s central workroom, which was reportedly the largest room in the United States when the facility opened.3

    Looking at the facade of the United States Post Office, New York
    Looking at the facade of the United States Post Office, New York

    The building’s public-facing interior spaces were elaborately decorated with Tennessee marble on the floors and walls, topped by ornamental plaster ceilings featuring the seals of 10 nations recognized for doing “great things for the advancement of the universal mail service.”4

    A Harvard professor reportedly suggested that the architects add the inscription spanning the building’s facade, quoting Herodotus: “Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stays these couriers from the swift completion of their appointed rounds.”5

    The statement originally referred to mail service in ancient Greece, but its inclusion in the building’s design made it an unofficial motto of the U.S. Postal Service.

    Inscription and Corinthian capitals on the facade of the United States Post Office, New York
    Inscription and Corinthian capitals on the facade of the United States Post Office, New York

    A portion of the building is still used as a post office, but the bulk of the structure now houses the Moynihan Train Hall, which opened in 2021.

    The demolition of Penn Station is often cited as the event that launched the historic preservation movement in the United States, and the dark, dank, subterranean maze of low-slung corridors that replaced it is entirely unworthy of one of the world’s great cities.

    Although that unnavigable mess still exists, the conversion of the former post office into a modern train hall has restored much-needed prestige to New York’s landscape, and it’s encouraging to see such a fine building put to a worthy new use.

    Gallery

    Looking at the northeast corner of the United States Post Office, New York
    Looking at the northeast corner of the United States Post Office, New York
    Cornice and Corinthian capital on the facade of the United States Post Office, New York
    Cornice and Corinthian capital on the facade of the United States Post Office, New York
    Inscription on the northeast corner of the United States Post Office, New York
    Inscription on the northeast corner of the United States Post Office, New York
    Inscription on the southeast corner of the United States Post Office, New York
    Inscription on the southeast corner of the United States Post Office, New York
    Fourth-floor windows, inscription, and Corinthian capitals on the facade of the United States Post Office, New York
    Fourth-floor windows, inscription, and Corinthian capitals on the facade of the United States Post Office, New York
    Third-floor window on the facade of the United States Post Office, New York
    Third-floor window on the facade of the United States Post Office, New York
    Looking at the northeast corner of the United States Post Office, New York
    Looking at the northeast corner of the United States Post Office, New York
    Fourth-floor windows, inscription, and Corinthian capitals on the facade of the United States Post Office, New York
    Fourth-floor windows, inscription, and Corinthian capitals on the facade of the United States Post Office, New York
    Ornamental crest on the United States Post Office, New York
    Ornamental crest on the United States Post Office, New York
    Corinthian capitals and entablature on the facade of the United States Post Office, New York
    Corinthian capitals and entablature on the facade of the United States Post Office, New York
    Ornamental iron on the facade of the United States Post Office, New York
    Ornamental iron on the facade of the United States Post Office, New York
    Fifth-floor windows on the facade of the United States Post Office, New York
    Fifth-floor windows on the facade of the United States Post Office, New York
    Inscription and Corinthian capitals on the facade of the United States Post Office, New York
    Inscription and Corinthian capitals on the facade of the United States Post Office, New York
    Niche on the northeast corner of the United States Post Office, New York
    Niche on the northeast corner of the United States Post Office, New York
    Ornamental iron spandrels on the facade of the United States Post Office, New York
    Ornamental iron spandrels on the facade of the United States Post Office, New York
    Columns and front steps of the United States Post Office, New York
    Columns and front steps of the United States Post Office, New York
    Southeast corner of the United States Post Office, New York
    Southeast corner of the United States Post Office, New York
    Front steps of the United States Post Office, New York
    Front steps of the United States Post Office, New York

    Floorplans and Sections6

    First floor plan of the United States Post Office, New York
    Second floor plan of the United States Post Office, New York
    Exterior detail drawings of the United States Post Office, New York
    Interior detail drawings of the United States Post Office, New York

    References

    1. “New York’s New Post Office A $6,000,000 Wonder”. The Sun (New York), March 2, 1913, p. 1. ↩︎
    2. ibid. ↩︎
    3. ibid. ↩︎
    4. ibid. ↩︎
    5. ibid. ↩︎
    6. A Monograph of the Work of McKim Mead & White, 1879-1915. New York: The Architectural Book Publishing Company, 1915. ↩︎

  • First Congregational Church (1908) – Atlanta

    Bruce & Everett. First Congregational Church (1908). Atlanta.
    Bruce & Everett. First Congregational Church (1908). Atlanta.1 2 3 4 5 6
    South facade of First Congregational Church, Atlanta
    South facade of First Congregational Church, Atlanta
    Belvedere on First Congregational Church, Atlanta
    Belvedere on First Congregational Church, Atlanta
    Window on the west facade of First Congregational Church, Atlanta
    Window on the west facade of First Congregational Church, Atlanta
    Reflection of First Congregational Church, Atlanta
    Reflection of First Congregational Church, Atlanta
    Dutch gable on the west facade of First Congregational Church, Atlanta
    Dutch gable on the west facade of First Congregational Church, Atlanta
    Round window and porch gable on the south facade of First Congregational Church, Atlanta
    Round window and porch gable on the south facade of First Congregational Church, Atlanta
    Porch on the south facade of First Congregational Church, Atlanta
    Porch on the south facade of First Congregational Church, Atlanta
    Belvedere on First Congregational Church, Atlanta
    Belvedere on First Congregational Church, Atlanta
    Porch columns on the south facade of First Congregational Church, Atlanta
    Porch columns on the south facade of First Congregational Church, Atlanta
    Cross on the west facade of First Congregational Church, Atlanta
    Cross on the west facade of First Congregational Church, Atlanta
    Cornerstone of First Congregational Church, Atlanta
    Cornerstone of First Congregational Church, Atlanta
    Terra cotta ornamentation on the belvedere of First Congregational Church, Atlanta
    Terra cotta ornamentation on the belvedere of First Congregational Church, Atlanta

    References

    1. “First Congregational Church, Colored, Will Soon Build a New Structure at a Cost of Twenty-Five Thousand Dollars.” The Atlanta Constitution, June 23, 1907, p. 7. ↩︎
    2. “Contract Is Let For $30,000 Church Here”. The Atlanta Journal, April 16, 1908, p. 3. ↩︎
    3. “Colored Congregational Will Break Ground For Handsome New Church”. The Atlanta Georgian and News, June 2, 1908, p. 9. ↩︎
    4. “Dirt To Be Broken For New Negro Church”. The Atlanta Journal, June 2, 1908, p. 13. ↩︎
    5. “Colored Church Is Consecrated”. The Atlanta Journal, December 14, 1908, p. 2. ↩︎
    6. “Colored Church Dedicated Sunday”. The Atlanta Journal, December 14, 1908, p. 5. ↩︎

  • Meeting in the Woods

    I spotted him in the woods from behind

    He was completely naked,

    Seated in the lotus position.

    I quietly walked around him and observed:

    Lean and muscular with dark hair,

    Neatly trimmed in all the right places.

    The fragrance of the firs intoxicated me,

    So I shed my clothes and sat with him on the mossy rock—

    He never even squinted his eyes.

    I’m sure in some deep chasm of his mind

    He detected my presence.

    Still, he didn’t make a move.

    In that high place, there is no sound or motion:

    No birds, no breeze, just silence.

    I expected a momentary dalliance

    But we remained for hours—

    I couldn’t believe his endurance.

    My legs began to ache, and I periodically fidgeted

    As bugs from the moss crawled through my crack.

    Somehow, he was blissfully unaffected.

    I drifted in and out of a series of trances:

    Long stretches of calm followed by rapid elation.

    The air was cool, so I never sweated.

    It felt so good to be primal and free.

    Daylight barely penetrated the canopy,

    But as night slowly enveloped the trees,

    He finally awakened, nodding to me with a gentle smile.

    We slipped on our clothes in tandem,

    Then stepped away in different directions.

    We never saw each other again.

  • The Sumner Apartments (1909) – Atlanta

    Edwards & Walter. The Sumner Apartments (1909). Midtown, Atlanta.
    Edwards & Walter. The Sumner Apartments (1909). Midtown, Atlanta.1 2 3 4

    References

    1. “$60,000 Building Near The Orpheum; $55,000 Apartment”. The Atlanta Journal, April 18, 1909, p. 10L. ↩︎
    2. “Personal Mention”. The Atlanta Journal, November 7, 1909, p. 6H. ↩︎
    3. Application for Building Permit, April 17, 1909. ↩︎
    4. Insurance maps, Atlanta, Georgia, 1911 / published by the Sanborn Map Company – Digital Library of Georgia ↩︎

  • Postcards from the South: Bellevue Hotel – Gadsden, Alabama

    Postcard view of Bellevue Hotel (1889), Gadsden, Alabama.

    This postcard depicts the Bellevue Hotel in Gadsden, Alabama, designed by G.L. Norrman and completed in 1890.

    “The ground is covered with snow. Wish you were here to snow-ball,” Edith wrote to Mrs. W.W. Edwards in Smithville, Texas. Think that was a euphemism?

    Published by the Souvenir Postcard Company of New York, the card was postmarked in Gadsden on February 14, 1907. Hmm.

  • Bank of Buford (1925) – Buford, Georgia

    Ivey & Crook. Bank of Buford (1924). Buford, Georgia.
    Ivey & Crook. Bank of Buford (1924). Buford, Georgia.1 2
    Southwest elevation of the Bank of Buford
    Southwest elevation of the Bank of Buford
    Southwest elevation of the Bank of Buford
    Southwest elevation of the Bank of Buford
    Main entrance of the Bank of Buford
    Main entrance of the Bank of Buford
    Cornice on the Bank of Buford
    Cornice on the Bank of Buford
    Windows on the southwest elevation of the Bank of Buford
    Windows on the southwest elevation of the Bank of Buford
    Ground floor door on the southwest elevation of the Bank of Buford
    Ground floor door on the southwest elevation of the Bank of Buford
    Third floor and cornice on the Bank of Buford
    Third floor and cornice on the Bank of Buford
    First-floor window and pilasters on the facade of the Bank of Buford
    First-floor window and pilasters on the facade of the Bank of Buford
    Inscription on the Bank of Buford
    Inscription on the Bank of Buford
    Second-floor windows on the facade of the Bank of Buford
    Second-floor windows on the facade of the Bank of Buford
    Windows on the southwest elevation of the Bank of Buford
    Windows on the southwest elevation of the Bank of Buford
    Pedestal on the southeast corner of the Bank of Buford
    Pedestal on the southwest corner of the Bank of Buford

    References

    1. Atlanta History Center – Architecture Database ↩︎
    2. “Building in the South”. The Atlanta Journal, May 11, 1924, p. 12C. ↩︎